7.1.06

God, a Poem

A nasty surprise in a sandwich,
A drawing-pin caught in your sock,
The limpest of shakes from a hand which
You'd thought would be firm as a rock,

A serious mistake in a nightie,
A grave disappointment all round
Is all that you'll get from th' Alimighty,
Is all that you'll get underground.

Oh he said: "If you lay off the crumpet
I'll see you alright in the end.
Just hang on until the last trumpet.
Have faith in me, chum -- I'm your friend."

But if you remind him, he'll tell you:
'I'm sorry, I must have been pissed* --
Though your name rings a sort of bell. You
Should have guessed that I do not exist.

"I didn't exist at Creation,
I didn't exist at the Flood,
And I won't be around for Salvation
To sort out the sheep from the cud --

"Or whatever the phrase is. The fact is
In soteriological** terms
I'm a crude existential malpractice
And you are a diet of worms.

"You're a nasty surprise in a sandwich,
You're a drawing-pin caught in my sock,
You're the limpest of shakes from a hand which
I'd thought would be firm as a rock,

"You're a serious mistake in a nightie,
You're a grave disappointment all round --
That's all you are," says th' Alimighty,
"And that's all that you'll be underground."

- James Fenton
(1983)

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